Everything is Extremely Ambiguous
A letter from
Bhakti Tirtha Swami
Posted Nov. 21, 2004

Dear Bhakti Charu Maharaja,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada.

Thank you so much for taking the time out from your busy schedule to write the foreword to my book, Reflections on Sacred Teachings 5, which elaborates on the 64 principles given by Bhaktisiddhanta Maharaja for once again establishing spiritual institutions.

It is another way of my getting your association. I have been thinking about you a lot lately, as I am going through this health crisis.

At the present time everything is extremely ambiguous. Just to summarize: The last ten days, I have been in the emergency hospital twice, been admitted in the hospital twice. I have had infections that subjected me to three operations. Presently the tumor seems to be growing, because during the crisis, I was unable to undergo my regular cancer treatments for almost two weeks. It appears that either I am not to heal from this or it is necessary for me to endure this for a longer time.

There are about five different treatments that are really important for my cancer care on a daily basis. I was unable to have any of these treatments administered because the doctor was trying to get me stabilized from the convulsions and infections. Now I am back on my regular routine.

Next Wednesday I will take another evaluation to see if my condition has gotten worse. Presently, most signs seem to suggest that I have. If so, most likely, I will be making my way to Mayapura, perhaps with a stop at the Bhaktivedanta Hospital to prepare for leaving.

Of course, there may still be a chance this can be turned around. Some days I feel this is too much and almost feel like asking Srila Prabhupada to take me out of this body, but at the same time, I simply want to experience whatever will be best in Srila Prabhupada's service.

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada,

With love,
B.T. Swami

© dipika.org Nov. 21, 2004