I did not phone Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj yesterday, thinking that I would rather wait until he gets the pathologist's report. However, in the evening, I received a phone call from one of Maharaj's disciples, Citi-sakti devi dasi, who is a doctor herself. In a voice choked with emotion, she informed me that she just learned from one of her Godsisters in Washington that Maharaj's report says that his cancer is on level four plus. I did not know what that count meant, but I could understand that it must be quite ominous.

I immediately phoned Washington. Once again, I admired how wonderfully Maharaj has trained up his disciples. I know how a disciple generally feels at a time like this, naturally wanting his spiritual master to take rest without disturbance, but as soon the Mataji who answered the phone realized that I was on the line, she immediately informed Maharaj.

Maharaj was as jovial as ever. From his voice, one could never imagine that he is in such a critical health condition. He informed me that the report from the hospital was bad. He decided to take a second opinion and had a CAT scan. That report was even worse. However, he is taking everything in stride. He feels a profound serenity deep within himself. That morning, he gave class to about one hundred devotees. He mentioned that he read out my posting to the GBC conference, and they appreciated it very much.

He started to tell me how fast everything is moving for him at this stage. He prayed for purification, but never did he imagine that it would happen in such a way. Some devotees told him to take back his prayer. However, he replied, "No, let it come the way Krsna wants."

He started to describe the critical condition of our movement. He told me about the book that Madhusudani Radha and her husband printed, consisting of writings by about fifteen scholarly persons with knowledge of Sanskrit (who at some point in time were involved with ISKCON). Although most were favorable to ISKCON, some of them proposed that Srila Prabhupada deviated from our previous acaryas and pursued his own ideas to serve his purpose, diminished the position of a woman, displayed a racist attitude, and in order to establish himself, over-emphasized the status of a guru.

Maharaj continued, "So many people are becoming attracted to Narayana Maharaj. That shows that they are getting something from him that they are not getting in ISKCON. Why don't we create a loving and caring atmosphere? Then no one will want to go away. We are leading the movement rather mechanically, somehow managing to just maintain. We are not really putting our hearts into it.

"I used to organize myself on a half-hour basis. But now, I am practically immobile. Even to go to the bathroom, I have to limp with my crutches. In this situation, I could become angry with Srila Prabhupada that 'Why did you put me in a situation like this? All my programs were set: so many lecture tours, seminars, workshops. The plane tickets were already purchased. Then all of a sudden!' But I am prepared to accept whatever Krsna wants. If he wants me to serve elsewhere, I am ready to go there."

Maharaj emphasized that the sufferings of so many devotees had become too much for him to bear. He was praying very intensely to Srila Prabhupada that he wants to become purified, become a better disciple, and help those who are struggling, at any cost.

We spoke for more than half an hour. I just wanted to share some of the wonderfully enlightening points that Maharaj shared with me. I found them to be extremely revealing. I am sure you will also feel the same. Moreover, it shows what a wonderful devotee Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj is. We can learn so much from his extremely advanced example.

He ended the conversation by saying, "I love you very much." I know that he will express the same love and care to all of you, also.

© dipika.org August 17, 2004