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Something about ISKCON
By Braja Sevaki Devi Dasi
Posted June 29, 2004

My oldest brother, Ramanuja, made my other brother and his wife devotees in 1985, and they took me to the temple in 1986, in Adelaide. It was then, after they gave me beads and Srila Prabhupada's books, that I began to chant and read, albeit spasmodically. It wasn't exactly a euphoric introduction to Krishna consciousness. That came a few years later, when I finally moved into the temple.

I resisted that move for a long time because of circumstances that I couldn't get out of and also no doubt because of simply not being ready. It took me that length of time to extricate myself from my situation and to come to the realization that it was really the only thing left for me to do.

Krishna definitely took away everything: my husband, my home, my possessions, my livelihood— the works. Krishna says to Yudhisthira Maharaja, "The first installment of My mercy toward a devotee is that I take away all his possessions, especially his material opulence, his money."

In a purport in the 8th Canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, Srila Prabhupada writes: "This is the special favor of the Lord toward a sincere devotee. If a sincere devotee wants Krsna above everything but at the same time is attached to material possessions, which hinder his advancement in Krsna consciousness, by tactics the Lord takes away all his possessions." (Srimad Bhagavatam 8.19.32)

Krishna's tactics worked over a period of six years, and I ended up in the temple in 1992.

So it wasn't a swift, sudden move into another world. It wasn't a form of escapism that I was seeking. Although I was distressed at the end of those six years, it was a build-up of many things that drove me to the temple. It was a slow, deep, serious move for me, and one I wanted to be sure of before I made it.

I had many reasons for coming to spiritual life. The main one was that I was seeking the absolute truth. Many times had I called out to God: "Where are You? Please, please talk to me. Tell me what to do. I want to find You. Please help me."

I had had a religious upbringing, but I was stumped. I just didn't know what to do or where to go to find God, to find some answers. I kept thinking, "There must be more to life than this." I railed at God, I cried, shouted, and yelled at Him. I accused Him of not loving me, of deserting me, of not caring. It wasn't a very good time between God and me.

During those six years, I chanted off and on, and I always read whatever small books my brother Bhima or his wife, Subuji, gave me. They also gave me Prabhupada Lilamrta, and I have heard a story similar to mine from many other devotees: that before joining, they'd read Prabhupada Lilamrta, and when they reached the end and realized Srila Prabhupada had left his body, they were devastated.

It was 1987, and I was living in a remote outback town in the northwest of Australia called Halls Creek. I recall lying on my bed, holding the book to my chest, crying, stunned that I'd missed this person after growing attached to him throughout the reading of the book. So this was the first thing to overcome, but strangely enough, it didn't hinder me at all. I didn't feel that I'd missed something. For some reason, I felt safe in the knowledge that whatever this person, Srila Prabhupada, had left behind in the form of his legacy was intact and was something that would maintain itself, even prosper.

And I was right. Of course, some critics would disagree with me. They might say that after Srila Prabhupada's departure, it all went to hell. Well I'm sure some people may have gone to hell, but I don't believe this of the institution.

It's difficult to perceive the result of the changes with material vision. In fact, it's impossible. The institution of ISKCON doesn't bear inspection under a critical, material eye, despite the number of people who claim to see all its faults and continue to point them out ad infinitum. It's not a sentimental matter of saying, "If your eyes are tinged with the salve of love of God, you'll understand."

Certainly this requires some time to attain, and in the meantime, what inspiration, what result is gained by waiting? The fact is, there are some things we are just not privy to on a material level, and if one is incapable of understanding this, then one is blocked from any further transcendental vision or spiritual understanding. And that's just the way it is with ISKCON. Regardless of how much some critics might think that what I'm saying is just a convenient brush-off, this is simply the way it is.

So the institution survived, and I eventually entered it. I didn't save myself in the end. I didn't change. I didn't have any epiphanies that saw the dawning of a whole new era of "me."

Nothing like it. The change came in the form of the personified mercy of the Lord. It came as my spiritual master, His Holiness Srila Tamal Krishna Goswami. To say that he picked me up and saved my life might sound like a cliché, but it's also a gross understatement. I can't express in words the impact he had on my life, and continues to have to this day. He is the one defining force of personal reality that has entered my life, and his presence is a constant source of love, encouragement, and inspiration. He is a lion amongst men, a unique, bold, strong, outspoken, courageous soldier in his spiritual master's war against illusion.

He is everything I want to attain in character, ability, purity, honesty, humility, and any other quality I could name. He captured my intelligence, my heart, my senses— everything. He appreciated every single breath I took that was used in the service of Krishna and His devotees.

He never once told me to change, despite mounting opposition that threatened to destroy his adamant stand that I was doing fine, that I could make a valuable contribution, and that I had a lot to give to ISKCON. He defended me constantly, told me he loved me, helped me through my struggles, and was always, always, available at the other end of the phone. His letters were filled with transcendental knowledge, spiritual wisdom, personal encouragement, and pure love. I can't for a moment imagine where I'd be without him.

Just like ISKCON: Where would we be without it? My guru is a Prabhupada man through and through, a staunch defender of ISKCON. It's only due to his influence, the training he gave me, and the love he has for Srila Prabhupada and ISKCON that I can even say, "ISKCON means everything to me. I would defend it with my life."

I don't know of a worthier cause. It is filled with faults. It is filled with faulty people. Yet despite this, those faulty people are in ISKCON. They're not sitting outside of it trying to pull it down. They're actually in it, trying hard to do something for it.

"If every single person left ISKCON," my spiritual master said, "and only a dozen of us were left, those dozen would accomplish more than any number of people because they would have so much firm attachment to Srila Prabhupada's lotus feet that nothing could stop them."

That is why, despite the criticism of anti-ISKCON commentators, ISKCON will always survive and overcome any temporary problem it may be suffering. Sometimes all we can do is try hard to do something for ourselves. We don't have much to give. We are stumbling, weak, unsure. But still we remain.

Those who stay are the ones to whom all my respect goes. No matter that some have fallen away, fallen down. No matter that some aren't as strong as they once were or might one day be. None of this matters.

What matters most is loyalty and chastity: chastity to guru, chastity to Srila Prabhupada, chastity to his institution, his legacy, his mission. It's the quality that makes everyone in ISKCON different, and it's the place from where our strength inevitably comes. Those who have left and gone to other gurus, other societies— for some time they may appear to be doing so well, so much better.

But of what value is their seeming progress? By giving up the shelter that Srila Prabhupada extended, by rejecting the very legacy he left behind, they have blocked themselves from understanding even the most basic tenets of spiritual understanding, the qualities that build the foundations of spiritual life: chastity, loyalty, and humility. Of what value, then, is their learning about things of a so-called higher nature? Of what use are discussions about rasa and lila? What can one even understand of these subject matters when one's heart is unable to accept even the basic lessons?

Nor do I believe that ISKCON is lacking heart or loving exchanges. We're young in our development, at least in a communal sense, and are only now discovering the most successful ways to display this love. If every single member of ISKCON was asked to sit down and really think about whether he or she had love for other devotees, the answer inevitably would be yes.

We are only now beginning to realize that the expression of this love comes through the process that Srila Prabhupada has left us and not by any other means or external agency.

Srila Prabhupada's legacy is one of love. The recent installation of Sri Panca-tattva was a testament to the love that exists within the heart of devotees in ISKCON. Never before had we seen such love. The atmosphere was filled with it. And why? What did we do that brought all this loving exchange to the fore? Nothing but follow Srila Prabhupada's instructions, nothing but try to fulfill his desires, nothing but remain chaste to his mission, nothing but endeavor to satisfy him because we knew he was trying to satisfy the Lord.

In turn, we were given a taste, just a little taste, of how it feels to really see Krishna, to please Him, to feel His presence. There isn't a person among us who would trade those feelings for any amount of blank-check promises by someone claiming love of God is available by rejecting one's spiritual master and following another.

What we saw, what we experienced when Sri Panca-tattva arrived was the future of ISKCON. We had asked what the future would look like, worried about how it would be, and we were given a glimpse of it. And it looked so fine, it felt wonderful, and it tasted the way I imagine love of God might taste.

Through this experience, we know what the results are of following the guru with chastity and loyalty, and we want more. And even if we thought we already knew it, we've realized it now: ISKCON is the only place where this kind of thing is available because Srila Prabhupada is the only one who can deliver it in the way that we have seen. Who else in the universe held a huge international festival attended by thousands worldwide to herald the arrival of the Lord and His four principal associates— Sri Panca Tattva— this year?

Of course, that's my view. I'm only one person. But who's to say I'm wrong?

Your servant
Braja Sevaki dd

© dipika.org June 29, 2004

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